Why I Fuckin' Hate Pandas, Conclusion

It's all been explained. The poor eating habits, the bad parenting, the sexual inadequacy. And now I make a plea to all those environmentalists who would attempt to save the "Great Panda" (great, my ass). Don't. Stop. Save the habitat if you want, as there are other, more worthy animals and plants gracing its territory. Save something endangered and ugly, something with a little more drive to live. It's like watching your alcoholic father spiral deeper and deeper into addiction: we can't help the pandas until they decide to help themselves.