Researchers who were investigating children's diabetes recently made a surprise discovery that Aunt Jemima brand breakfast syrup is mainly composed of child's blood.
"We were obtaining a blood sample from a boy who had recently eaten pancakes", said researcher Bernard Worrelstein, "and for some reason we couldn't explain, the DNA of the sample did not match a previous one we had taken. "
"We discovered that the change in blood makeup was due to a syrup patch on the boy's arm right where we had inserted the needle. After testing the syrup on its own, we determined that it is over 90% child's blood. We feel that this has serious implications for the [boring scientific mumbo jumbo]", said Worrelstein.
Investigations are currently being made to fully determine the truth behind these allegations. In unrelated news, Aunt Jemima stock has recently risen 32 points.
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