This is a Really Good Joke

You know what grinds my gears? When I'm shifting with the clutch and I grind the gears.

Ouch.

The Surprisingly Fun World of Auto Repair

I just went to get an estimate after some drunk person drove into my car this past Friday night. I assume that they were a drunk person because it occurred very late at night and because I live two doors down from Kennedy Fried Chicken. I can picture the idiot scraping the side of my car, drumstick in hand, blunt in mouth. Perhaps, in kindness, they blew a puff of smoke over my damaged bumper and side mirror in an attempt to heal my car with the magical herb that has granted them so much relaxation throughout their meaningless and most likely brief life.

Anyway, the body shop looked at the slight scuffing along my drier's side bumper and delivered me an estimate of $760.00. The write-up counted about 13 hours of labor (not to mention the exorbitant pricing on supplies), but I'm more convinced that it will really go something like this:

re-paint and re-finish bumper: 1- 2 hours
celebrate with a tailgate party/ garage bonfire: 9 hours
party culminates in gigantic circle jerk, which results in semen damage to my driver's side bumper: 1 hour
re-paint and re-finish bumper: 1- 2 hours

Total labor: 13 hours

I am powerless. I only wish I could have some pictures of the circle jerk, which I then might be able to sell to recoup some of my expenses.

Working on a New List...any suggestions?

Ok, it's going to be called "Times I Have Truly Been Loved by Another Person".


I haven't come up with anything yet.

Inspired by Weird Al

I was recently in a deli and when I ordered my sandwich, the owner asked me, "Rye or the kaiser?" I picked the kaiser. Now I live in an autocratic German government.

"Come on Eileen", sang Dexy's Midnight Runners.

"Please stop", cried Eileen, semen dripping from her nipples.

earigation - the attempt to remove semen from the ear using forming tools

jittermug - a very ugly person with a facial tic

olivegarchy- a government which consists of a few olives ruling over many other olives

Thought I Had While in a Rape Agression Defense Class

Mounting your overweight acquaintance and holding her arms above her head is a pretty odd requirement for a gym credit.